My Little Pony in 30 Rock
by liamdude5
Summary: An alternate My Little Pony universe based on 30 Rock. Various characters will play various roles. Rated T for drug references, mild sexual references, language, and future same sex pairings(spoiler alert). I hope you enjoy.
1. Pilot

_Hey guys. This is my first story, so please be nice. Now, this is an alternate universe where there is different things then in the canon My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic universe. Lastly, this chapter is based on the pilot of 30 Rock._

(Twilight Sparkle walks into a fancy restaurant. She walks up to the Maitre D.)

Twilight Sparkle:Hi. Twilight, party of six. I think the other five got here ahead of me.

(Maitre D looks at her clipboard.)

Maitre D:Ah, . Yes, your five friends got here ahead of you. Please, this way.

(Maitre D leads Twilight to her table.)

Maitre D:Let me ask you something. If you thought the rest of your party would get here before you, why did you put the party in your name?

Twilight Sparkle:I agreed to pay.

Maitre D:You have horrible friends, . Here is your table.

Twilight Sparkle(as she sits down):Hi girls.

(Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity say hi to Twilight.)

Rainbow Dash:Where have you been?

Pinkie Pie:We've been waiting for you for like an hour.

Twilight Sparkle:Sorry. I was studying.

Rarity:That studying is going to be the death of you someday.

Pinkie Pie:Wait, that could happen?

Rarity:Sigh. No.

Applejack(murmuring):I told you that you've gotta word what you say carefully around her.

Twilight Sparkle:So, Applejack, how are you holding up, being in a fancy place like this?

Applejack:The fancy water they give tastes funny and I wish I was dead.

Fluttershy:Yeah, but your hair looks pretty.

Applejack(sarcastically):Thanks.

Fluttershy:You're welcome.

Rarity(murmuring):She seriously does not get sarcasm.

Applejack(murmuring):No she does not.

(A waiter comes along.)

Waiter:Six glasses of champaign?

Twilight Sparkle(to the girls):Did you order this?

Rainbow Dash:Yeah.

Twilight Sparkle:Thanks. Just another thing I have to pay for.

Fluttershy:Sorry.

Rarity:You do have to admit, with the occasion, it does seem appropriate to get champaign.

Twilight Sparkle:Yeah.

Rainbow Dash:I mean, we all became friends three years ago.

Fluttershy:That does seen like a special occasion.

Twilight Sparkle:OK. OK.

Pinkie Pie:I wonder if anything will change in the future for us.

Applejack:I guess we'll have to see.

Twilight Sparkle:I propose a toast. To three magical years and hopefully many more.

(All six of them clink their champaign glasses and drink it.)

Fluttershy:I'm drunk. I'm drunk. (While shaking Applejack.) I'm drunk.

Pinkie Pie:Seriously, I feel like a change is coming.

Twilight Sparkle:Your tail telling you that?

Pinkie Pie:Yes.

Twilight Sparkle:Oh.

Rainbow Dash:Maybe the change will start soon.

Applejack:Maybe it's starting right now.

Twilight Sparkle:Who knows?

Freak Lad:What do you mean your ending my show?

(Freak Lad is talking to his boss, Charming Dew.)

Charming Dew:It's only been three episodes and your show already has some of the worst reviews any show on our network has ever received.

Freak Lad:That's only because we have to establish the story. Once we do that, we can make all the action promised in the trailers.

Charming Dew:Look, you may be one of this network's most valuable writers, you may have three Faust Awards...

Freak Lad:Four, but go on.

Charming Dew:But you make one show that horribly crashes and burns for every five that last well past the first season. You may have made The Bad Lands Of Equestria, but you also made The Captain's Dream.

Freak Lad:That one at least lasted one full season before it tanked.

Charming Dew:My point is, unless you pitch me a show that could last for a long time, even if the main actor dies, then I'm afraid I have no choice but to fire you right now.

Freak Lad:Well, there is an idea that has been going about in my head for a while. A sketch comedy show starring all girls.

Charming Dew:Hmm. If it's funny, then it would attract males, but the all girls cast would attract females. I like it. Only one rule: you must have a bare minimum of six cast members.

Freak Lad:Sounds reasonable. One question though: Can the girls play boys in some sketches?

Charming Dew:Of course. What would a sketch comedy show be without male characters?

Freak Lad:Perfect.

Charming Dew:Now, for the cast. They have to be diverse, loyal, and have extremely marketable faces.

Freak Lad:Of course. How long do I have to find these girls?

Charming Dew:You have until this building closes tomorrow to find me my girls.

Freak Lad:But that gives me only a little over 24 hours.

Charming Dew:You told me when you were writing your hit show The Wandering Princess that you work best under pressure.

Freak Lad:I was high when I said that.

Charming Dew:Drugs only make us say what is true, but we are holding back. Drugs making me tell the truth was why I got divorced the fourth time.

Freak Lad:Are you sure that it wasn't because you were addicted to Marijuana back then?

Charming Dew:Absurd. She had no idea about that. Look, I would give you more time, but there are inspiring new writers who want their good shows to be made. Either you get me a cast of at least six diverse, loyal, and marketably-faced girls or you get replaced by Roller Rhythm and her show, Arachnophobia. Now shoo.

(Freak Lad leaves and goes back to his apartment. He is greeted by his brother, Freak Bro.)

Freak Bro:Hey bro.

Freak Lad:Hey. How's the job search going?

Freak Bro:Heh. Please. Hey, I made lasagna.

(Freak Bro refers to a pan and Freak Lad looks inside.)

Freak Lad:That's lasagna?

Freak Bro:OK fine. It's almost lasagna.

Freak Lad:Great. Just what I wanted for dinner tonight.

(Freak Lad collapses onto the couch.)

Freak Bro:What's wrong?

Freak Lad:I have 24 hours to find six girls who are diverse, loyal, and have marketable faces or else I'm fired.

Freak Bro:Well that's an issue. Listen, I'm sure you'll figure it out. You always do. Now, how about we watch some TV?

(Freak Bro turns on the TV. He finds the show Local Stories.)

Freak Lad: What's this show?

Freak Bro:Local Stories. It's where, each episode, they get different local girls from throughout Equestria to play characters, who change each episode. Oh wait, this was last week's episode.

(Freak Lad looks at the TV and notices the actor on screen.)

Freak Lad:Wait, isn't that my old high school friend Shining Armor's sister?

Freak Bro:Sure looks like her.

Freak Lad:And her acting is good in this episode?

Freak Bro:Yeah.

(Freak Lad runs into his bedroom and gets out a photo album labeled "My High School Buddy". He runs back into his living room and finds a picture of Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity.)

Freak Lad:This is a picture of her and her friends that Shining Armor sent me not too long ago. You would define them as diverse and faces that are marketable, right?

Freak Bro:If not, then call me mayor of Crazy Town.

Freak Lad:Bro, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Freak Bro:Depends. Are you thinking about making out with her?

Freak Lad:No.

Freak Bro:Then we are certainly not thinking the same thing, my nerdy brother.

(Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity are leaving the restaurant.)

Twilight Sparkle:Do you all want to go to a dance club?

Applejack:Nah. It's late.

Rarity:Also, I think Fluttershy had too much to drink.

Fluttershy:You owe me reinstitution!

Rainbow Dash:I'll walk her home, make sure she doesn't get herself killed. Good night.

(Everybody says good night, except Fluttershy, who mutters "I am so wasted." Twilight walks into her house.)

Spike:Twilight, you got a letter.

Twilight Sparkle:From whom?

Spike:From Freak Lad.

Twilight Sparkle:The TV show writer?

Spike:Yeah.

Twilight Sparkle:What does he want?

Spike:Read the letter and see.

(Spike hands Twilight the letter.)

Freak Lad's Letter:Dear Twilight Sparkle, I have a preposition for you and your friends. I say you on Local Stories and I see potential in you. Come meet me at the diner on 1st Street tomorrow at noon. And bring your friends.

Twilight Sparkle:Alright, Freak Lad. I'll meet you. I'll tell the girls tomorrow.

(Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity all walk into the diner at noon the next day.)

Freak Lad:Twilight, over here.

(Twilight Sparkle spots Freak Lad sitting one stool. Twilight and her friends sit next to him.)

Freak Lad:Twilight, it is nice to meet you.

Twilight Sparkle(shaking Freak Lad's hand):Nice to meet you too.

Freak Lad:I'm glad you came. Are these your friends?

Twilight Sparkle:Yes. Freak Lad, this is Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity.

(They all say hi.)

Freak Lad:What's wrong with your yellow friend?

Fluttershy:I'm hung over.

Twilight Sparkle:So, what did you call us here for?

Freak Lad:Well, I have this idea for a sketch comedy show with an all girl cast and I was hoping you and your friends would be that cast.

(All of the girls show amazement.)

Fluttershy:Shhh. Loud noises make my head hurts.

Twilight Sparkle:And you wanted to ask us because of my performance on Local Stories?

Freak Lad:Yeah. What do you think?

Twilight Sparkle:I don't know. It sounds great, but I'm not sure if I can be in a comedy show.

Freak Lad:Twilight, any idiot can act. Sure, with movies, comedy is hard. But, with television shows, expectations are often low, so TV shows often make people laugh more.

Twilight Sparkle:Don't you think we should at least audition?

Freak Lad:Of course. Try to make me laugh on the car ride back to the studio. All of you. If you can, you've got the part.

Twilight Sparkle:You're real spontaneous, aren't you?

Freak Lad:You'll learn that about me.

Rainbow Dash:Sounds like a good idea to me, but I have a better idea.

Freak Lad:And what is that?

(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity are at a dance club.)

Twilight Sparkle:And then he said, "That's the wrong one!"

(They all crack up.)

Freak Lad:Man, this audition got way more fun after we all got drunk.

Fluttershy:I didn't get drunk.

Rainbow Dash:No. You have been cut off after last night.

Freak Lad:You know, everybody here has made me laugh except Fluttershy.

Rainbow Dash:You know, she has a hilarious dance.

Freak Lad:Oh, you've gotta do that.

Fluttershy:I don't know.

Rainbow Dash:Oh, come on.

Fluttershy:Oh, OK.

(They all cheer. Fluttershy then does a dance that makes them all crack up.)

Freak Lad:That was great. Guess what? You all passed your auditions!

Applejack:That is great, because we accept the job, right girls?

(They all heartily agree, except Fluttershy, who just mutters "Sounds great.")

Freak Lad:That's great. Let's all dance.

(They all get up and dance.)

(Two hours later.)

Freak Lad:Man, when that dude had a heart attack, I really sobered up.

(All the girls agree that they sobered up too.)

Freak Lad:And now that I'm sober, I'm having second thoughts about hiring you girls. I mean, I only hired you because it was either you or the unemployment line.

Twilight Sparkle:Oh come on. I'm actually excited about doing this.

Rarity:Yeah.

Fluttershy:I may not be showing it, but I'm excited.

Freak Lad:I don't know.

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Nicholas Cage):Really? You're having second thoughts? I make all of my decisions impulsively. Do that and you can't go bad. Right, Christopher Walken?

Fluttershy(impersonating Christopher Walken):Right. I think that you should hire us or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Freak Lad:That was fantastic!

Rainbow Dash:We spent an entire afternoon learning how to do that.

Freak Lad:You are all hired.

(They all say "We accept". Freak Lad looks at his watch.)

Freak Lad:Oh dang! I only have one hour to get back to the studio or I'm fired! Come on!

(They pay for their drinks and run out.)

(50 Minutes Later, they made it to the studio. 3 minutes Later, they made it inside the studio. A minute later, they made it inside an elevator. 4 minutes later, they made it into Charming Dew's office.)

Freak Lad:Here. Here are your six girls. They are diverse, they are loyal, and if you tell me that they don't have marketable faces, then paint me pink and parade me around the building.

Charming Dew:Have you been drinking?

Freak Lad:The point is that I have the cast of girls.

Charming Dew:While I will admit that it was gripping how you showed up at the last minute with one of the people who was on Local Stories and five other people, we have to audition them.

Freak Lad:Got that covered. Everything they gave me at the dance club was funny.

Charming Dew:Ah. So you have been drinking!

Freak Lad:OK, but that's besides the point. The point is, give them a chance.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Taylor Swift):Come on. Give us a chance. The world is pretty.

Charming Dew:That was amazing. Write a pilot episode and this show will get made.

Freak Lad:Thank you. And don't worry, the pilot episode will come soon. You may remember that my show Dueling Dragons made a lot of episodes very fast.

Charming Dew: I recall that show sucking.

Freak Lad:OK. Bad example.

(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity leave the room. They get onto an elevator and get out on the 1st floor.)

Freak Lad:Great job, girls. You are now the stars of a TV show.

(They all start cheering until Spike comes in.)

Spike:What's going on, Twilight?

Twilight Sparkle:Spike, what are you doing here?

Spike:You texted me a picture of your butt. I know that that's code for "I'm drunk. Please get me to take me home."

Twilight Sparkle:Yeah, well I'm fine now. But guess what?

Spike:They finally invented chocolate flavored stamps?

Twilight Sparkle:No, but that's a good idea. No, me and the girls all got cast in a sketch comedy show.

Spike(unenthusiastically):Oh. That's cool.

Twilight Sparkle:Spike, you sound about as convincing as when you said you liked The Notebook. What's wrong?

Spike:I don't know. Maybe because you all got cast in a TV sketch comedy show, which you know is my favorite type of TV show, but you don't even include me.

Twilight Sparkle:You don't know that I wasn't going to include you.

Spike:Were you?

Twilight Sparkle:Um...

Freak Lad(whispering):I got this. (Normal voice to Spike.) Now Spike, say if I were to give you an internship here and I asked you to get me a burger, what would you say?

Spike:You want cheese on it?

Freak Lad:Yes.

Spike:What kind?

Freak Lad:Brie.

Spike:How would you like your burger cooked?

Freak Lad:Congratulations Spike. You are hired as an intern. Now, why don't you get us some coffee.

(Spike chuckles.)

Freak Lad:No, I'm serious.

Spike:Oh.

(Spike gets coffee for everybody.)

Twilight Sparkle:I'd like to propose a toast to this wonderful change in our lives.

(Everybody clinks their cups together and drinks their coffee, except for Fluttershy, who's cup was knocked out of her hand by Rainbow Dash.)

Rainbow Dash:If you don't like her when she's drunk, you won't like her when she's had coffee.

Fluttershy:It's true.

Freak Lad:Alright, we all had a long day. We should get home and get some sleep.

Twilight Sparkle:Wanna share an elevator?

Freak Lad:Sounds good.

(They all get in an elevator and go to the first floor.)

(Freak Lad walks into his apartment to find Freak Bro playing Halo.)

Freak Bro:Hey. How was work?

Freak Lad:Great. I not only didn't lose my job, I got to get wasted while I did it.

Freak Bro:I need your job.

Freak Lad:Speaking of which, job hunt?

Freak Bro:Heh. Please.

Freak Lad:Now I just wanna lie down for a while before I have to write.

Freak Bro:Great. While you can do that, I can tell you about this dream I had last night.

Freak Lad:No way, no how.

Freak Bro:Come on. It involves Taylor Swift and Master Chief from Halo.

Freak Lad:Really?

Freak Bro:Yeah.

Freak Lad:Mind if I wrote the dream down, like a therapist?

Freak Bro:Sure.

Freak Lad:Great.

(Freak Lad opens the notepad app on his iPod.)

Freak Lad:Go ahead.

Freak Bro:So, Taylor Swift is performing in concert when Master Chief comes onto the stage and starts making out with her.

(Freak Bro keeps rambling about his dream while Freak Lad wrote it down on his iPod, while he said "This is going to make a hilarious cold open.")

_I hope you enjoyed my story. If you didn't like it, then leave some constructive criticism._


	2. Aftermath

_I was hoping that I could upload this on Thanksgiving, but better late than never. This chapter is based on the 30 Rock episode Aftermath._

(Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Freak Lad are all in the writers room for The Six Ponies. Fluttershy is signing something.)

Freak Lad:And sign there.

(Fluttershy does as instructed.)

Freak Lad:Perfect. You now all are officially signed onto this show for five years.

(They all show excitement.)

Freak Lad:Just remember, if the pilot episode isn't well reviewed, then these contracts will be null and void.

Twilight Sparkle:Of course.

Rarity:Makes sense.

Pinkie Pie:My parents told me that my grandma became null and void when I was five.

(Spike walks in holding six cups of coffee.)

Spike:I got everyone coffee.

(Everyone takes a cup except Fluttershy.)

Freak Lad:Now that the contracts have been signed, we'd better shoot the promos for the show.

Pinkie Pie:What did those promos do to you?

Applejack:Yeah, you'll learn fast that you have to be careful how you word things with her.

(Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack are standing in front of the logo of The Six Ponies with Freak Lad in the director's chair and a camera pointed at her.)

Freak Lad:OK, now that we've filmed individual promos for each of you, we now have to film a promo with all of you.

Twilight Sparkle:So, how is this going to work?

Freak Lad:The cue cards will have lines with names next to them. The pony with that name will read the lines next to that name. You all got that?

(They all say yes.)

Freak Lad:Great. Any questions?

(Rainbow Dash raises her hoof.)

Freak Lad:Yes Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash:Alright. Now, do we have to read what you wrote or can we do it kind of loosey goosey?

Freak Lad:It would be easier if you just read what I wrote.

(Rainbow Dash raises her hoof.)

Freak Lad:Yes Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash:But what if we think of something better than what you wrote?

Freak Lad:Rainbow, just read what I freaking wrote!

(Rainbow Dash raises her hoof.)

Freak Lad:Is this about what I wrote?

Rainbow Dash:No.

Freak Lad:Then what is it about?

(Rainbow Dash puts her hoof down.)

Freak Lad:That's what I thought. Now, if there is no other questions.

(Pinkie Pie raises her hand.)

Freak Lad:Sigh. Yes Pinkie?

Pinkie Pie:Rainbow Dash told me to tell you that you suck.

Freak Lad:Wonderful.

Pinkie Pie:Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Rainbow Dash used a word way worse than sucked.

Freak Lad:What was the word?

Pinkie Pie:I don't feel comfortable saying.

Freak Lad:Great. Now, if there are no other questions, lets begin. And action!

(The cameramare starts filming.)

Twilight Sparkle:Hi. We're the cast of The Six Ponies.

Rarity:From the mare who made the hit dramady This Could Have Been Yours.

Rainbow Dash:And we're gonna tell you right away that things are going to get filly.

Freak Lad:Cut!

(The cameramare stops filming.)

Freak Lad:Rainbow Dash, what was that?! I told you to read what was on the card!

Rainbow Dash:I was reading what was on the card.

Freak Lad:Ok. Just for reference, it says "And we're gonna tell you right away that things are going to get silly."

(Rainbow Dash raises her hoof.)

Freak Lad:What is it now?

Rainbow Dash:Can you say it again?

Freak Lad:And we're gonna tell you right away that things are going to get silly.

Rainbow Dash:Was that it?

Freak Lad:Yes!

Rainbow Dash:OK. I got it.

Freak Lad:OK. Let's try this again. Action!

(The cameramare starts filming.)

Twilight Sparkle:Hi. We're the cast of The Six Ponies.

Rarity:From the mare who made the hit dramady This Could Have Been Yours.

Rainbow Dash:And we're gonna blab to you bout how we is gonna get silly in this hizouse. Right Flutters?

Freak Lad:Cut!

(The cameramare stops filming.)

Pinkie Pie:That was great Rainbow Dash. Really funny.

Rainbow Dash:Thanks. I just said what Freak Lad said.

Pinkie Pie:Freak Lad, you are hilarious.

Freak Lad:No. Stop encouraging her! Rainbow Dash, that was not even close to what I said.

Rainbow Dash:That was what I remember you saying.

Pinkie Pie:And you rocked it.

Freak Lad:You know what? The individual promos will do just fine. Lets all just go home. Remember to read your scripts. We're starting rehearsals tomorrow.

(They all leave.)

(Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Freak Lad, and Spike all walk onto the set. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack are wearing costumes for the cold open.)

Freak Lad:All right. If you guys read your scripts, you should be fine. If you don't remember something, just look at the cue cards.

Sparkling Dew:Hello everybody.

Freak Lad:Sparkling Dew? What are you doing here?

Sparkling Dew:I just wanted to see your cold open. Make sure your show will be good.

Freak Lad:Are you actually showing concern about me?

Sparkling Dew:I guess I am.

Freak Lad:Did you find out that you're dying?

Sparkling Dew:No.

Freak Lad:OK then.

(Freak Lad and Spike sit down next to Sparkling Dew. The ponies get into position.)

Freak Lad:OK everybody. Any questions before we start?

(Rainbow Dash raises her hoof.)

Freak Lad:Any questions not from Rainbow Dash?

(Rainbow Dash lowers her hoof.)

Freak Lad:OK then. Rehearsals starting now!

(The Jeopardy theme plays.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Because of what happened before the commercial, I assure you that all our contestants are wearing all their clothes. That being said, lets take a look at the scores. In second place, we have Sean Connery with a score of -$66,000 dollars.

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Well well, it's great to see you Trebek.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Wish I could say the same to you.

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Oh, come on. You know that I hurt because I love.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):I highly doubt that.

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Trebek, you must know that all those times I've made fun of you, I was just having fun with you.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Wow. Really?

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Oh, and also, I made out with your mother last night. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Of course. Next up, we have Cat Valentine from the hit television show Victorious in last place with -$174,000.

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Hiiiiii. Look at my giraffe.

(Pinkie Pie brings out Cat's purple giraffe from the show and squeezes it so it makes an odd noise.)

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Hahahahahaha. Listen to him. He sounds so out there. (To Giraffe) Where do you come up with these one-liners?

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Are you a hippie or an idiot? And finally, in first place with $0 is Stephen Hawking. $0 because he's never actually answered a question before time was up.

Fluttershy(impersonating Stephen Hawking):I would like to inform the viewers that I will make a comeback in Double Jeopardy. I say this because I will actually attempt to shorten out my answers in this next round. This, I feel, will enable me to finally win some money for charity. Then, I can finally get that TV show I wanted to play on TBS, but-.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Thank you, . Thank you. Now that that's done, lets take a look at the categories. They are Potent Potables, Which Call Of Duty Is This, Clap Your Blank, Famous Comedians Named Billy, I believe I should point out that every answer in that category is Billy Crystal. The rest are Musical Sensations, Sports That Don't Involve Balls, and finally, Alex Trebek's Mother. Wait, what?

(It is revealed that the final category is covered by a paper saying "Alex Trebek's Mother".)

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Hahahahahaha.

(Twilight Sparkle removes the paper.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):The real final category is Buzz In. All you have to do is buzz in and you get points. Cat Valentine, since you're in last place, we'll start with you. Might I suggest Buzz In?

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Is your mustache real?

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Cat Valentine, please pick a category.

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Oh, ok.

(Pinkie Pie breaks out the giraffe.)

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Which category do you think I should pick?

(Pinkie Pie squeezes the giraffe so it makes a sound.)

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Hahahahaha. I'll take that category for 5 billion dollars.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Let's just go with Famous Comedians Named Billy for $800. And the answer is "This comedian played Mike in Monsters Inc." Please try to remember that his first name is Billy. Also, I'm not aloud to give hints, but his last name is Crystal.

(Pinkie Pie buzzes in.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Cat Valentine?

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Billy The Kid.

(Buzzer.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):No!

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Oh, I'm sorry, Who is Billy The Kid.

(Buzzer.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):No!

(Rainbow Dash buzzes in.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Sean Connery?

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Who is Billy Mowym.

(Buzzer.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):No!

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Well, that's what I did last night.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):What?

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Mowym. Make out with your mother. Hahahahahaha.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):That's wrong and you know it.

(Fluttershy buzzes in.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Stephen Hawking?

Fluttershy(impersonating Stephen Hawking):Well, since we can automatically eliminate Billy The Kid since he's dead, Billy Ocean since he wasn't an actor, Billy Dee Williams since he wasn't in Monsters Inc, which I know for a fact, Bill Murray since he was never once referred to...

(The timer goes off.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Time's up. The answer was Billy Crystal.

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):My friend Jade has a crystal ball. I paid her $20 and she told me my future. She said someone would use $20 they coned from me to buy themselves a new bra. What sick person would do that?

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Thank you for that. Cat Valentine, it's still your board, so I'll pick a category for you. Why don't we try Musical Sensations for $200.

(The video daily double sound plays.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):And it's a video daily double. Contestants, please take a look at your video monitors.

(A clip of Gangnam Style plays and nobody buzzes in.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Nobody knows. Nobody knows the name of the song when they said it in the video a thousand times.

(Fluttershy buzzes in.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Stephen Hawking?

Fluttershy(impersonating Stephen Hawking):Well, I may not be a music buff, but I think I can figure it out based on you saying the title was said in the video a thousand times and the most said word was oop, so I will take a guess. What is "Oops, I Did It Again."

(Buzzer.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):No! The answer was Gangnam Style. Stephen Hawking, would you like to pick a category?

Fluttershy(impersonating Stephen Hawking):Well, let me examine my options. Potent Potables is a possibility, but let me see what else there is before I make any hasty decisions. Which Call Of Duty Is This is out as I find video games to be a waste of time. Clap Your...

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Sean Connery, would you like to pick a category?

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):I'll take Alex Trebek's mother for $2,000.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):That is not a real category. Let's just do Just Buzz In for $200. And the answer is "Just buzz in to get $200".

(Nobody buzzes in and the timer goes off.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Why? Why would you do that?

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):I did it because I hate ya, Trebek. Hahahahahaha.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):And now it is time for Final Jeopardy. The category is "Do you have a phone?" Just answer yes or no to the question Do you have a phone and you win.

(Final Jeopardy music plays and the contestants begin to write.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):If you have a phone, say yes. If you don't have a phone, say no. Even if you have a phone and say no, you'll still win.

(Final Jeopardy music stops playing and contestants stop writing.)

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):And now let's see what the contestants wrote. Sean Connery, you wrote down the letter y. I'll tell you what, yes starts with y, so unfortunately for you, you answered correctly. Lets see what you wagered. "Is Alex Trebek so boring."

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Sean Connery):Hahahahaha. Burn on you, Trebek.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Wonderful. Cat Valentine, you wrote nothing because you stuck your pen up your nose.

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):Well, I wondered what the pen smelled like, but I seem to have pressed it up too far.

Twilight Sparkle(Impersonating Alex Trebek):Fantastic. Stephen Hawking, you wrote "I need more space."

Fluttershy(impersonating Stephen Hawking):Yes, because I cannot simply write whether or not I have a phone. I must explain why because I have to make everything as complicated as possible. The answer was yes, by the way.

Twilight Sparkle(impersonating Alex Trebek):Jolly good. Lets see what you wagered nothing. Let me guess, because you need more space.

Fluttershy(impersonating Stephen Hawking):Yes. The dummy version is bibble for the girl next to me because she kept bugging me about it.

Pinkie Pie(impersonating Cat Valentine):He looked British. I thought he would have some.

Twilight Sparkle(Impersonating Alex Trebek):Inspiring. That's it for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm going home and crying in my shower. Good night.

(The Jeopardy theme plays.)

Freak Lad:So, what did you think?

Sparkling Dew:It was comedy, so it was good.

Freak Lad:Great. I assure you that the rest of the sketches will be just as good as this.

(Sparkling Dew leaves.)

Twilight Sparkle:You didn't see it, did you?

Freak Lad:What?

Twilight Sparkle:He didn't like it, but said otherwise to protect your self esteem. I could tell since he didn't laugh once.

Freak Lad:OK, A, he would never do that, B, he just doesn't laugh at things, and C, when he says that he likes something, he likes it.

Pinkie Pie:Wait, he doesn't laugh?

Freak Lad:Nope.

Pinkie Pie:That's terrible. Nobody should have to live like that.

Twilight Sparkle:I'm gonna stop you right there. Pinkie, this is your first week here. You shouldn't bother the CEO. Next week, bother him all you want.

Pinkie Pie:Fine.

Twilight Sparkle:I need a Pinkie promise.

Pinkie Pie:I promise not to go up to Sparkling Dew's office and try to make him laugh this week.

Twilight Sparkle:Good.

(The next morning, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Spike walk in and Freak Lad stops them.)

Freak Lad:OK guys. Get into makeup so we can start the final rehearsals before the show tonight.

(Rainbow Dash raises her hoof.)

Freak Lad:Yes Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash:Would it be possible for us to do all of the sketches I'm in first so I can hit Burger King tonight? They're having a sale.

(Freak Lad gives Rainbow Dash a death stare.)

Rainbow Dash:No? OK.

(Freak Lad and Spike head to the stage while Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack head to makeup. Pinkie Pie sees Sparkling Dew and catches up to him.)

Pinkie Pie:I promised Twilight I wouldn't go up to his office. (To Sparkling Dew) Hey!

Sparkling Dew:Hello.

Pinkie Pie:You doing anything tonight?

Sparkling Dew:Yes. I am staring into the abyss and seeing if sweet death provides me release or if I am cursed to walk this Earth another day.

Pinkie Pie:Sounds like fun.

Sparkling Dew:Yes it is.

Pinkie Pie:So hey, what do you call a leprechaun who is a psychic and wanted by the police? A small medium at large.

(Sparkling Dew doesn't laugh.)

Sparkling Dew:Is there a point to this?

Pinkie Pie:No. Bye.

(Pinkie Pie goes to makeup.)

Sparkling Dew:Hey, that's something I can think about while I stare into the abyss and see if sweet death provides me release or if I am cursed to walk this Earth another day.

(Rehearsals for the final sketch were just finished.)

Freak Lad:Great job everybody. Eat, drink, rest up for the show in an hour.

Applejack:Hey Rarity, do the Miley Cyrus tongue again.

(Rarity sticks her tongue out like Miley Cyrus.)

Applejack:Haha. That is so disgusting that it's awesome.

Rarity:Yes. I'm sure that when Miley Cyrus did her weird tongue thing, she was hoping that it would be awesome.

(Sparkling Dew walks into the set.)

Freak Lad:Hey Sparkling Dew. What are you doing here?

Sparkling Dew:Just here to wish you good luck.

Freak Lad:Thanks.

(Pinkie Pie starts walking towards Sparkling Dew.)

Pinkie Pie(To Herself):OK. Now, this mare doesn't want such a simple joke. He wants one that is more sophisticated. One that makes him think. Is it possible that I'm over thinking this? Naw.

(Pinkie Pie walks next to Sparkling Dew.)

Pinkie Pie:Hey Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:Hello again.

Pinkie Pie:Knock knock.

Sparkling Dew:Really? You're seriously doing a knock knock joke to me?

Pinkie Pie:Knock knock.

Sparkling Dew:Fine. Who's there?

Pinkie Pie:Whoo.

Sparkling Dew:Whoo who?

Pinkie Pie:Don't get so excited. It's just a joke.

(Sparkling Dew doesn't laugh.)

Sparkling Dew:Did you really just waste my time with that?

Pinkie Pie:I was just giving you something to think about while you stare into the abyss and see if sweet death provides you release or if you are cursed to walk this Earth another day.

Sparkling Dew:Ok. That is kind of considerate.

Pinkie Pie:Glad I could help. Bye.

(Pinkie Pie leaves.)

Sparkling Dew:I think I need to test that pony to see if she's crazy.

(Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Freak Lad, Spike, and Sparkling Dew are in Sparkling Dew's office.)

Freak Lad:So, how did we do?

Sparkling Dew:First, the critical reviews. Your show's average critic rating is 81%.

Freak Lad:Alrighty then.

Sparkling Dew:And now, the viewership. The rounded up number of watchers was 27 million. Congratulations. You all have yourselves a show!

(Everyone but Sparkling Dew does a victory dance. Applejack accidentally hits Pinkie Pie. Applejack apologizes, but Sparkling Dew laughs.)

Pinkie Pie:So, you laugh at others' pain?

Sparkling Dew:Yes. It is hilarious.

Pinkie Pie:Well then.

(Pinkie Pie leans on a chair, pretends to slip, and falls on the floor, making Sparkling Dew laugh.)

Freak Lad:Wow.

Sparkling Dew:Anyways, we do have one issue. The other shows on this network don't seem to like you very much.

Spike:Would you like me to slip them a coffee with a little something in it?

Twilight Sparkle:Spike, are you suggesting we poison them?

Spike:What? No, I mean with some cream and sugar in it as a peace offering. Among other things.

Freak Lad:Moving past that, I was actually thinking that we could throw them a party to show them that we're on their side.

Pinkie Pie:Whoa. It's like your reading my mind. I was just thinking that. What am I thinking now?

Freak Lad:Elevator music?

Pinkie Pie:OK. This is getting creepy.

Rainbow Dash:Hey, I have a fancy boat we could hold the party on.

Sparkling Dew:Perfect. I'll make sure that everyone gets invitations. Spike, could you spend out invitations?

Spike:Of course.

Fluttershy:Rainbow Dash, I didn't know you had a fancy boat.

Rainbow Dash:You probably also didn't know that my guilty pleasure is an anime show called Meet John Sculley.

Fluttershy:Yeah I do. You told me that one time when you got drunk.

Rainbow Dash:Oh.

Sparkling Dew:You all are dismissed.

(Everyone but Sparkling Dew leaves. Pinkie Pie purposely bangs herself against the closed door next to the open one, which makes Sparkling Dew laugh.)

(Rainbow Dash and Freak Lad lead Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Spike onto Rainbow Dash's yacht.)

Rainbow Dash:And welcome to the rich me's brain.

Twilight Sparkle:Huh?

Rainbow Dash:I dunno.

Freak Lad:We're both hosting. The ice cream bar was my idea. You're welcome. The other shows and Sparkling Dew will arrive soon.

Rarity:This is surprisingly tasteful.

Rainbow Dash:Oh yeah. I've taken this boat many places. Miami, Tokyo, Denver, the inside of a KFC.

Pinkie Pie:What does "Avanti Donani" mean?

Rainbow Dash:Say what?

Pinkie Pie:The name of the boat.

Rainbow Dash:Oh, that's Spanish for "remember your mother".

Twilight Sparkle:No, I don't think so.

Rainbow Dash:Well, I honestly don't know. I originally wanted to call it "the whale's vagina", but the boat already had a name painted on it, so I just left it on.

(Sparkling Dew arrives.)

Sparkling Dew:Hello everyone. (To Freak Lad) Did you remember the champaign?

Freak Lad:Yeah.

(Freak Lad picks up a tray if champaign glasses and hands them to Spike.)

Freak Lad:Spike, take these and distribute them to everyone who can hold their liquor.

Spike:You got it.

Rarity:I actually brought champaign.

Freak Lad:Oh, I'll take that and put it in the wine cooler.

(Rarity hands Freak Lad her champaign.)

Rarity:Great. Now please don't get near me. Your breath smells like onions.

Rainbow Dew, don't you look fancy.

Sparkling Dew:Thank you.

Rainbow Dash:Let me make you a special drink. You like Apple Martinis, right?

Sparkling Dew:Yes I do. How did you know that?

Rainbow Dash:I looked you up on Wikipedia.

Sparkling Dew:Ah. That information was actually taken from an interview with "Armorax Magazine".

Rainbow Dash:Really? Cool. Let me get you that Apple Martini. Applejack, could you please make our boss an Apple Martini?

Applejack:Of course.

(Applejack starts making an Apple Martini.)

Sparkling Dew:Did you know that apparently the writers for "Armorax Magazine" are also conductors.

Rainbow Dash:Really? I did not know that. Hey Applejack? While you're behind the bar, can you double check that I have shnopps?

Applejack:You do. I already saw them.

Rainbow Dash:Great. Thanks.

(Rarity walks over to the bar and sees a bottle.)

Rarity:Oh my goodness. This is a Duneoody '62.

Rainbow Dash:That I specially ordered for the occasion. Drink away my friend.

Rarity:Thank you.

(One hour later, the cast and crew for some of the other shows on the network have arrived. They are mingling, Spike is serving drinks, and Rainbow Dash convinced Applejack to be a bartender. One of the writers of The Mad Convoy Race has unfortunately had too much to drink and keeps trying to dance with Spike.)

Twilight Sparkle:That kind of thing is just appalling.

Rainbow Dash:So Rarity, I heard that you have a singing voice. Why don't you sing something for us?

Rarity:Oh, I don't know. I mean, nobody wants to hear that.

(Rainbow Dash turns of the music.)

Rainbow Dash:Hey, who wants to hear Rarity sing!?

(Everybody cheers.)

Rarity:Well, if you insist. Some folks like to get away, take a holiday from the neighborhood. Hop a flight to Miami beach or to Hollywood.

Twilight Sparkle(whispering):Well, that was a poor decision.

Pinkie Pie(whispering):Maybe we should go below deck?

Twilight Sparkle(whispering):Sound good to me.

(Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie go below deck.)

Spike:Is this even a real song?

(One hour later, everyone is still partying and having a good time.)

Freak Lad:It's going well, right? It has to. It has to go well.

Twilight Sparkle:Relax. Everybody's having a good time. How are the people from the other shows doing?

Freak Lad:They are furious and drunk, but they seem to be getting along with us.

Twilight Sparkle:Well, they just needed to get to know us. And they know Rainbow Dash. She really knows how to throw a party. Do you think we're ever going to leave the dock?

Freak Lad:I don't know. The engines have been running for about three hours.

(The engine starts making funny noises.)

Rainbow Dash:Hey! Hey Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie, do not wreck this boat!

Freak Lad:Pinkie Pie is driving the boat?

Rainbow Dash:Well, Applejack and Spike are busy, Fluttershy is to nervous to do it, Twilight didn't want to, and Rarity said that she would rather jump from a five story building into a truck full of broken glass than try to drive this Enterprise of a boat.

(Pinkie Pie is unsuccessfully trying to drive the boat.)

(Ten minutes later, Spike has started pigging out on the finger foods. Everyone else is still partying. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are doing impersonations for everybody.)

Applejack:Hey, I have one! Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Cosby!

Fluttershy(impersonating Jerry Seinfeld):What's the deal with pudding?

Rainbow Dash(impersonating Bill Cosby):I am H Cosby. Jello. Sweaters.

(The guests laugh, except for Sparkling Dew.)

Guest#1:That didn't even sound like the Cos.

Guest#2:He got you on that one.

Guest#1:Yeah I did. Get better references!

Rarity:I have to go lie down.

(Rarity goes below deck and passes Freak Lad, leaving below deck.)

Freak Lad:Rainbow Dash, thank you so much for doing this. You totally saved me.

Rainbow Dash:You don't have to thank me, Freak Lad. Me, my friends, and you. We're all a team now, like the Justice League or a bag of fries and all of the fries inside if it.

Freak Lad:Hey, where's your bathroom?

Rainbow Dash:Below deck, second door on the right.

(Freak Lad goes below deck.)

Fluttershy:Hey, let's do another one.

(Freak Lad is walking below deck when he sees a picture of two random fillies.)

Freak Lad:Huh. That's weird.

(Freak Lad accidentally walks into the bedroom and notices how fancy it is.)

Freak Lad:Wow.

(Freak Lad accidentally walks into a closet and sees a maid, who starts yelling in another language.)

Freak Lad:What?

Maid:Please be calling Mary and Nancy Peabody. Please be telling them that "Future Wonderbolt" is on the boat.

Freak Lad:What are you saying?

Maid:Rainbow Dash is on the boat.

She no see me. I hidden from her. I hide from her.

Freak Lad:Oh my gosh!

(Freak Lad remembers when Rainbow Dash said "It's Spanish for 'Remember Your Mother'", "I've taken this boat to Denver", "You can have that scotch", and "Nobody else wanted to drive the boat".)

Freak Lad:It's not her boat!

(Back on the upper deck, everybody notices a mare with a bullhorn on the dock.)

Mare With Bullhorn:All of you, you must disembark this boat immediately!

(Freak Lad runs back to the upper deck.)

Freak Lad:It's not her boat! We gotta get off of this thing! It is not her boat!

Mare With Bullhorn:Disembark immediately!

Freak Lad:Is this your boat?

(Before Rainbow Dash can answer, she jumps into the water and swims away.)

Mare With Bullhorn:Disembark immediately!

Freak Lad:Run! Jump! Get out of here!

(Everybody then runs off the boat, except for Spike, Sparkling Dew, and a few cast members for other shows, who attempt to swim away with Rainbow Dash.)

(Freak Lad is in Sparkling Dew's office.)

Freak Lad:And again, sir, I just want to say that I'm sorry about everything that happened.

Sparkling Dew:What are you apologizing for? It went great.

Freak Lad:Say what?

Sparkling Dew:Everybody loved the party and the escape gave everybody a chance to bond. The other shows love you guys now.

Freak Lad:Really? That's great to hear. Now I just have to do something about all of the papers saying that Rainbow Dash tried to steal a boat.

Sparkling Dew:Oh no, I took care of that. The Peabodys will be getting a free ride in our jet. They won't say anything.

Freak Lad:Huh. I guess that's problem solved. Thanks.

Sparkling Dew:No problem.

(Freak Lad gets up to leave.)

Sparkling Dew:Oh, and Freak Lad?

Freak Lad:Yes?

Sparkling Dew:Good luck out there.

Freak Lad:Thanks.

(Freak Lad leaves.)

_Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. Just an FYI, that skit the ponies performed was actually an SNL skit I wrote a while back. Also, be sure to leave reviews and favorite me and my story._


	3. Blind Date

_Just a heads up, if any people reading this are offended by the content in this chapter, I'm sorry. But, it was based off of an actual 30 Rock episode. Speaking of which, this chapter is based on the 30 Rock episode "Blind Date"._

_(On the stage, a robot is fighting four timber wolves while Pinkie Pie overlooks.)_

Pinkie Pie:Now Robot, kick the timber wolves in the knees! Timber wolves have weak knees. And you should vibrate, since robots are full of radiation.

(The robot starts vibrating.)

Pinkie Pie:That's it.

(Freak Lad walks onto the set.)

Freak Lad:Pinkie, how many timber wolves did I say you could have?

Pinkie Pie:One.

Freak Lad:And how many do you see here?

Pinkie Pie:Um, four.

Freak Lad:Save a little money for the rest of us Pinkie. You can't go and spend all of our budget on timber wolf suits that will only be seen for about 25 seconds.

Pinkie Pie:Freak Lad, nobody is going to believe that a killer robot can get his butt whooped by just one timber wolf. It doesn't make any sense.

Freak Lad:You're trying to bring logic to the robot-timber wolf sketch? You can't have four timber wolves!

Pinkie Pie:Well, how many can I keep?

Freak Lad:One!

(Freak Lad goes to his podium and picks up the newspaper.)

Pinkie Pie:Sorry timber wolf mares.

Freak Lad:Who did my sudoku puzzle? I've been looking for it all morning!

(Freak Lad starts to leave when Sparkling Dew comes in.)

Sparkling Dew:Freak Lad, could you come up to my office when you have a free moment?

Freak Lad:I never have a free moment Sparkling Dew. Never ever.

(Freak Lad leaves. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie is directing the robot and remaining Timber Wolf.)

Pinkie Pie:Really punch him. Like karate.

(Freak Lad is sitting in Sparkling Dew's office.)

Sparkling Dew:Are you familiar with the ancient art of Reiki?

Freak Lad:No.

Sparkling Dew:It is the laying on of one's front hooves in order to improve one's life.

Freak Lad:Huh. How does your life improve? Do your front hooves have bits in them?

Sparkling Dew:Contact with other mares and ponies is important, Freak Lad. I can tell from your stress level that you have not been touched in any way by any other mare or pony for a long time. Not caressed. Not massaged. Not even assaulted in an alley.

Freak Lad:Where are you going with this?

Sparkling Dew:Your mood affects the quality of your work, which, in turn, affects me. I would like to become a resource for you for improving your personal life. Do you agree that you need others in your life, Freak Lad?

Freak Lad:No, I have more important things to worry about than my personal life.

Sparkling Dew:I would think that a young and single mare's biggest concern would be choking to death alone in his apartment. I have someone in town that I'd like to set you up with.

Freak Lad:No thank you.

Sparking Dew:Taylor is very bright, has a wonderful sense of humor. I think it's a good match. Are you free on Thursday?

Freak Lad:No, Thursday is poker night. And anyways, it is very inappropriate to question me about my private life and try to set me up with somepony when you hardly even know anything about me.

Sparkling Dew:Poker night? Who plays?

Freak Lad:Really? That's what you got from that?

Sparkling Dew:I like poker and I would be interested in seeing my new employees under that kind of pressure. I assume its the cast and crew of The Six Ponies?

Freak Lad:Yes. But really? You're not gonna come to our stupid little poker game, are you?

Sparkling Dew:No I'm not.

Freak Lad:Good.

Sparkling Dew:I'm bluffing. Of course I'm coming.

(Freak Lad is in his apartment. Freak Bro was out for the evening. Freak Lad was watching TV, eating, and playing Sudoku.)

Freak Lad:Three can't go here. However, it can go here.

(Freak Lad then starts choking. He tries drinking water to stop himself, but it doesn't work. After fumbling around the kitchen, he tries hitting himself in the chest, but that doesn't work. So, he tries rushing forward and stopping on the chair, thrusting his head forward, which does work.)

(Freak Lad walks into Sparkling Dew's office.)

Freak Lad:Fine, I'll meet your friend!

(Freak Lad leaves Sparkling Dew's office.)

(Twilight Sparkle is running stuff through the copier with Freak Lad.)

Twilight Sparkle:So, who is this Taylor pony?

Freak Lad:I don't know. She's one of Sparkling Dew's friends. Oh my gosh! Isn't Sparkling Dew friends with Taylor Swift? Am I going on a date with Taylor Swift? Ugh, why did I agree to do this? I haven't been on a date since I tried to date that pony from graphics design and that was over a year ago. It's going to be a disaster!

Twilight Sparkle:It's just one date. Also, if it is Taylor Swift and you take her back to your place, prepare for it to get weird.

(Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash is talking to Applejack near the stage.)

Rainbow Dash:Applejack, you, me, Thursday night. I know this mare that runs an underground bird fight.

Applejack:Yeah, no, I can't do that. Thursday's the poker game.

(A production assistant walks up to them.)

Production Assistant:Ponies, we just need to try the green screen stuff one more time.

(Rainbow Dash and Applejack walk in front of the green screen.)

Rainbow Dash:Poker game? I love poker.

(Rainbow Dash and Applejack pretend to ski in front of a green screen.)

Rainbow Dash:I used to play all kinds of poker with my aunt. Crazy Seven. Equestria Freakout. One Card Stud.

Applejack:Yeah, I don't think those are real games.

Rainbow Dash:Whatever. Just get ready to get took.

(Pinkie Pie is talking on the phone in Freak Lad's office.)

Pinkie Pie:Sorry Mom. I can't make it. I gotta work.

(Freak Lad walks in.)

Freak Lad:Hey Pinkie?

Pinkie Pie:Hold on Mom. (to Freak Lad.) Yes?

Freak Lad:What do ponies like?

Pinkie Pie:Uh, malls?

Freak Lad:No, I mean, if you were going to go on a date with a mare, how would you want him to act?

Pinkie Pie:Like one of the Three Stooges.

(Freak Lad walks out of his office and towards the elevators when he runs into Sparkling Dew.)

Sparkling Dew:Hey Freak Lad. You're on for 8:00 at Cafe Le Intestines.

Freak Lad:Really? Wow. Why are you staring at me?

Sparkling Dew:What are you wearing?

Freak Lad:This probably. I don't have time to go home.

Sparkling Dew:No, that won't do. I want you to go out during your lunch hour and find something.

(Sparkling Dew gives Freak Lad some bits.)

Sparkling Dew:At a mare's clothing store.

(Sparkling Dew leaves.)

(That night, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Spike have gathered in the writer's room to play poker while Fluttershy watches.)

Rainbow Dash:Remind me which is better, a pair of black aces or a pair of red aces.

(Freak Lad comes out of his office in a tuxedo.)

Freak Lad:OK everypony, I'm leaving.

(They all go "Whoo" or whistle.)

Freak Lad:All right. All right.

Rainbow Dash:Look at his butt.

Applejack:I know, right?

Twilight Sparkle:Look at you. You look like an undercover terrorist.

(Freak Lad fakes a laugh and leaves.)

Twilight Sparkle:OK. I have my chair.

Rarity:I have my wine.

Pinkie Pie:I have my lucky cupcake.

Spike:I have my fancy mustache.

(Sparkling Dew runs in.)

Sparkling Dew:Is there room for one more?

Twilight Sparkle:Yeah.

Sparkling Dew:Really?

(Twilight gives Sparkling Dew the head chair she was sitting in and sits across the table.)

Sparkling Dew:That's great.

(Sparkling Dew sits down.)

Rainbow Dash:Sparkling Dew, what's up?

Sparkling Dew:What is up, Rainbow Dash?

(Sparkling Dew and Rainbow Dash bro hoof.)

Rainbow Dash:OK, so this game, Crazy Crystal Empire. Face cards are wild. Threes are jinxed. Fives are twos.

Sparkling Dew:Rainbow Dash, would you mind if I deal this deck?

Rainbow Dash:Be my guest. Show me the bits.

Sparkling Dew:Everyone, the minimum wager in this game is 25 bits.

Twilight Sparkle:Actually, Sparkling Dew, we were just planning on playing for quarters.

Sparkling Dew:Then you'd best go home and put on your daddy's shoes, little girl, because this is a grown up game.

(Freak Lad gets on an elevator. Once in, he eats a mint, starts choking, pushes his chest a few times, and the mint comes out. He stumbles out of the elevator, then quickly regains his composure.)

(Back at the poker game, several ponies have put bits and a few of their possessions in the pile. Twilight then adds a crystal to the pile.)

Twilight Sparkle:I call.

Pinkie Pie:And I'll see you with this thing.

(Pinkie Pie pulls out a Faust Award she found on the floor and adds it to the pile.)

Sparkling Dew:I call.

(Sparkling Dew throws the proper amount of bits into the pile.)

Twilight Sparkle:Pair of jacks.

Pinkie Pie:Ace high.

Sparkling Dew:Three cowboys.

Twilight Sparkle:Oh my gosh. I needed that crystal. That was my present for Spike's next birthday.

Spike:I'm sorry, what?

Twilight Sparkle:Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That was just evil of me.

(Twilight runs into the bathroom and Fluttershy follows her.)

Sparkling Dew:Well, you should all learn from Twilight's mistake.

(Sparkling Dew starts dealing everybody in.)

Sparkling Dew:You see, in the poker game, you have to learn your opponents' strengths and, more importantly, their weaknesses. Everypony has a tell, a weakness of character, that manifests itself physically. Like, when Spike has a good hand, he keeps his hand off his fake mustache for more than two seconds. When Pinkie Pie is bluffing, she asks a series of insane questions to hide her nervousness.

Pinkie Pie:Oh really? Is that what you think? Do you think I do that? An I doing it right now? I'm out.

Rainbow Dash:OK, . Tell me what I've got.

Sparkling Dew:Well, you have two of your cards backwards actually.

Rainbow Dash:I'm out.

(Freak Lad is sitting at a bar when a bartender comes up to him.)

Bartender:Hi.

Freak Lad:Hi. Pinot Noire, please.

(The Bartender walks away and Freak Lad continues to wait.)

(The poker game is not going well. Everyone is either just losing or sitting on the sides.)

Rarity:This is so bad. Sparkling Dew took me for 200 bits.

Pinkie Pie:I bet my cupcake batter bits. And if I don't pay my supplier on the 10th, he's gonna make sure I wake up covered in icing and sprinkles.

Sparkling Dew:OK. I'm all in. Anyone else?

(Fluttershy is revealed to have been sitting where Twilight was sitting.)

Fluttershy:I'll play you, Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:Fluttershy, how long have you been sitting there?

Fluttershy:I'm taking Twilight's place, since she appears to have fallen asleep on the bathroom floor.

(Fluttershy looks nervous. Sparkling Dew notices, but then realizes that she's looked nervous every time he's seen her.)

Rarity:Oh my gosh. He can't read Fluttershy. She's a blank slate.

Sparkling Dew:OK, what do you got?

Fluttershy:I have what I think is called a Royal Flush. Looks like I'm the big winner.

(Fluttershy takes all of the bits in the pile.)

(Freak Lad receives his Pinot Noire.)

Freak Lad:Thank you.

(Freak Lad drinks it until a mare sits next to him.)

Mare:Freak Lad, hi. I'm Taylor, Sparkling Dew's friend.

(Freak Lad shakes Taylor's hoof.)

Freak Lad:Hey. Nice to meet you.

Taylor:Hi.

(About thirty minutes later, Freak Lad and Taylor are sitting at a table.)

Freak Lad:Why would Sparkling Dew just assume that we're gay?

Taylor:I am gay.

Freak Lad:Oh, that's awesome.

Taylor:Is this the first time that sonepony's made an assumption about you?

(Freak Lad remembers several times when others made assumptions about him, including his dentist saying "You need to start brushing your teeth better, little lady" and a pedestrian saying when he was a baby "What an adorable little gay mare.")

Freak Lad:What? I don't know. Who remembers those things?

Taylor:Well, this is obviously some sort of miscommunication. I mean, I don't want to go chasing after someone straight.

Freak Lad:Of course.

Taylor:I completely understand if you want to go home.

Freak Lad:No, it's ok. I'll stay. Sparkling Dew is ridiculous.

Taylor:Ugh. I worked with Sparkling Dew in Plastics. He tends to approach everything the same way. Locate the problem. Isolate the problem. Set the problem up with either somepony gay or a lesbian.

Freak Lad:Pretty good joke for someone in Plastics.

Taylor:Well, I wasn't always in Plastics. I used to be in Water and Processing Technologies, working mainly in primary metals.

Freak Lad:Oh, so you have a comedy background.

(Freak Lad walks into Sparkling Dew's office while he is reading Fluttershy's profile. He puts it down to look at Freak Lad.)

Sparkling Dew:How was your evening with Taylor?

Freak Lad:You mean Taylor, the brilliant plastics engineer/gay mare. What made you think I was gay?

Sparkling Dew:Your shoes.

Freak Lad:Well, I'm straight.

Sparkling Dew:Those shoes definitely look very feminine.

Freak Lad:Well, irregardless, I'm straight. 100% completely straight.

Sparkling Dew:Well, I'm sorry if I offended you.

Freak Lad:No, I'm not offended.

Sparkling Dew:Good. What do you know about Fluttershy the actress?

Freak Lad:I don't know. She's a sweet pony.

Sparkling Dew:Yes. And a surprisingly good poker player. Did you know that her middle name is John?

Freak Lad:Really? That's weird.

Sparkling Dew:And that her Myers-Briggs psychological testing shows a rare combination of extroverted, intuitive, and aggressive?

Freak Lad:Really?

Sparkling Dew:Same as mine. She could be trouble down the line.

Freak Lad:Fluttershy?

Sparkling Dew:Fluttershy John. All right. You're not gay. Dooley noted. I will correct that on your file. It's too bad though. Taylor thought you were great.

Freak Lad:He did?

Sparkling Dew:Yes. He said he thought you looked like Christopher Mintz Plasse once he became hot.

Freak Lad:He said that?

Sparkling Dew:Yes, I made him repeat it. I was sure he meant before.

(Fluttershy is wearing Rainbow Dash's rainbow earrings and walking to the writer's room. Freak Lad starts walking next to her.)

Fluttershy:Freak Lad?

Freak Lad:Yeah?

Fluttershy:I have a gem of Twilight's. I won it last night, but I don't think that I should keep it. Could you give it back to her for me?

(Fluttershy gets out Twilight's gem for Spike and gave it to Freak Lad.)

Freak Lad:OK. Did you win those earrings too?

Fluttershy:Yeah. I like how, in the middle, it shines like a diamond.

(Freak Lad inspects one of the earrings.)

Freak Lad:Fluttershy, that us a diamond.

(Sparkling Dew pulls Fluttershy to the side.)

Fluttershy:Hi Sparkling Dew. Can I help you with something?

Sparkling Dew:You are a puzzle, Fluttershy John. And I'm going to solve you. Yes I am.

(Sparkling Dew walks away.)

(Freak Lad gives Twilight Sparkle her gem back in the writer's room.)

Freak Lad:I still can't believe you bet Spike's birthday present.

Twilight Sparkle:I know. The weird thing is that I had bits left.

Freak Lad:Hey, what famous mare would you say that I look like?

Twilight Sparkle:Uh, Matt Lanter.

Rarity:No, Jason Segel.

Applejack:Skinny Jonah Hill.

Freak Lad:Never mind.

Twilight Sparkle:So, how was your date?

Freak Lad:It wasn't a good match.

Rainbow Dash:Why? Did she notice your facial tic?

Freak Lad:No.

Pinkie Pie:Did you wear sandals? Did she see your hooves?

Freak Lad:No.

Spike:You blew it, didn't you?

Rarity:Great job Freak Lad. You did it.

Applejack:Another one bites the dust.

Twilight Sparkle:Aw, look at your little face.

Freak Lad:It was a mare!

(Everybody laughs.)

Spike:Are you serious?

(Freak Lad groans and goes into his office. However, he comes back out.)

Freak Lad:Where is my Faust Award?

(Freak Lad is in his apartment, Freak Bro gone once again. He is slicing his microwave frozen dinner. He gets lonely, so he picks up his phone and calls Taylor.)

Taylor:Hello.

Freak Lad:Hi Taylor? It's Freak Lad.

Taylor:Oh hey.

Freak Lad:Listen, um, this is gonna sound really weird, but, um, do you ever worry about choking to death alone in your apartment?

Taylor:Oh, it's so weird that you would say that. I think about it all the time. I mean, you'd die and they wouldn't find you until your neighbor's pet sniffed you out in the hallway.

Freak Lad:Ugh, yes, and they'd show you a picture of you in the paper.

Taylor:And it's not just choking. Ever since I turned 30, every time I come out of or into my bathtub, I think "careful, careful".

Freak Lad:Yes. Ugh. Everything's the worst.

(Taylor laughs.)

Freak Lad:Do you want to go and get some dinner?

Taylor:Sure.

Freak Lad:OK. Meet you at the Neptune in 20?

Taylor:Gotcha.

Freak Lad:All right.

(Freak Lad trips and falls.)

Freak Lad:Ow!

(Freak Lad gets back up.)

Freak Lad:I did not die.

(On the set, a fancy party is being held with two poker tables on the stage. Off the stage, mares, ponies, and others including Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Freak Lad, Spike, and Taylor are eating and socializing.)

Pinkie Pie:This is amazing. Hey Sparkling Dew.

(Sparkling Dew walks in wearing a tuxedo.)

Sparkling Dew:Evening everypony. Evening.

(Rainbow Dash walks up to Sparkling Dew.)

Rainbow Dash:Dang Sparkling Dew. You really went all out. Like, I saw a giant deep fried broccoli.

Sparkling Dew:Made of smaller deep fried brocclis diving into a pit of deep fried broccoli. Enjoy it Rainbow Dash.

(Rainbow Dash walks towards the broccoli. Twilight then walks up to Sparkling Dew.)

Twilight Sparkle:Hey Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:Hello Twilight. Say, is Fluttershy here?

Twilight Sparkle:I'm pretty sure. Let me double check.

(Twilight Sparkle goes to check.)

(About an hour later, some of the guys are playing poker.)

Rainbow Dash:I've been playing for two hours and I'm tired of losing. So, I'm going to sub in Fluttershy for me.

(Rainbow Dash gets up and Fluttershy sits where Rainbow Dash was sitting.)

Rainbow Dash:So, Fluttershy, are we gonna hit those three clubs after this?

(Fluttershy nods.)

Rainbow Dash:So did you all know that a doctor told me that I have four hearts?

Spike:That's great.

Rarity:Yeah.

Applejack:I can't believe he said that.

Rainbow Dash:Dang it!

(Freak Lad and Taylor walk up to Twilight and her friends.)

Freak Lad:Hey ponies and Spike, this is Taylor.

(They all say hi. Sparkling Dew gets up and hugs Taylor.)

Sparkling Dew:Taylor.

Taylor:Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:How's everybody down there in Plastics?

Taylor:We all miss you.

Sparkling Dew:I love this mare.

(Fluttershy moves from the opposing poker table to the one Sparkling Dew is at.)

Fluttershy:That didn't go so well. Let's try over here.

Sparkling Dew:Let's play some poker.

(10 Minutes Later, some of Twilight's friends, including Fluttershy, and Sparkling Dew are playing together.)

Sparkling Dew:I call. What do you have Fluttershy?

Fluttershy:All clovers. I win.

(Fluttershy takes the pile.)

Sparkling Dew:Very clever, Fluttershy. But the curtain is now unveiled and I know the real you.

Fluttershy(whispering to Applejack):I think that he's confusing me for someone else.

(Off the table, Pinkie Pie walks up to Freak Lad.)

Pinkie Pie:Hey Freak Lad, are you sure you're not gay? Because that mare is pretty hot.

Freak Lad:We're just friends, like Jim Carrey and Steve Carrell. Why is that so hard for everypony to believe?

(Pinkie Pie shrugs. Twilight then walks past Freak Lad into the audience seats.)

Twilight Sparkle:That mare's great. You should marry him.

Freak Lad:Great. Just one problem. I'm not gay.

(Freak Lad follows her.)

Twilight Sparkle:Oh Freak Lad, based on the stories you've told me, you've had some pretty bad special someponies over the years.

Freak Lad:I have.

Twilight Sparkle:There was the pony that was obsessed with Charlie Chaplain.

Freak Lad:Neietta.

Twilight Sparkle:There was the pony who played Halo under the name IMATramp.

Freak Lad:Darlin'.

Twilight Sparkle:There was the pony who had long blonde hair and drank too much.

Freak Lad:Kathie Lee.

Twilight Sparkle:Based on what you've told me, you're more relaxed with Taylor than any of those ponies.

Freak Lad:So what are you saying Twilight? I should just be gay?

Twilight Sparkle:I'm not saying it will be easy. You have to get drunk first.

Freak Lad:Why is it that some ponies think that others can just flip a switch like that? I mean, what if I told you "Go be with Pinkie right now?"

Twilight Sparkle:I would be honored. She is very tender, cheerful, and she can make a dang good cupcake. Plus, I think that I could maybe make her just the right amount of smart for us to be compatible.

Freak Lad:That was a pretty prepared answer. Do you have a crush on Pinkie?

Twilight Sparkle:Hey, are we talking about you or me?

(30 minutes later, just Sparkling Dew and Fluttershy are playing poker with everypony watching.)

Spike:She's awesome. You can't read her thoughts because she doesn't have many.

Sparkling Dew:I raise you 200.

Fluttershy:I see your 200 and raise you 300.

Sparkling Dew:Will you, little Fluttershy John from Ponyville, Equestria? Growing up in your momma's little wooden shack of a house, obsessed with animals. Dreaming that your career would involve little animals.

Fluttershy:Sparkling Dew, you're scaring me.

Sparkling Dew:You've come a long way, Fluttershy John. With your cheap loafers and long hair, you may have come a long way, but you'll always be an animal girl, Fluttershy. I know because I smell carrots from you. I'm all in.

(Sparkling Dee throws all of his chips into the pile.)

Fluttershy:I'm all out of chips, Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:Then let's make this fun. Put your NBC ID card into the pile. If you win, you can have it back. If you lose, then you go on home. You go on home, little Fluttershy John. All the way back to your momma's house.

(Everypony starts yelling out advice to Fluttershy, who puts her nametag into the pile.)

Sparkling Dew:I've got a pair of twos.

Fluttershy:Let's just looky-wooky what we've got here. I have a two, a four, a six, a nine, and a King.

(Everypony gasps, except Sparkling Dew, who just starts laughing.)

Sparkling Dew:That means I win.

(Sparkling Dew takes the pile. Fluttershy gets up and starts to leave, but Twilight stops her.)

Twilight Sparkle:Fluttershy. Why did you bet that terrible hand?

Fluttershy:Why? Because I believe that life is for the living. I believe that some risks should be taken. Also, everypony was yelling, so I got confused about the rules.

(Fluttershy once again starts to leave, but Sparkling Dew stops her.)

Sparkling Dew:Fluttershy! I wasn't really going to fire you. I just wanted to remind you that I could. I expect you and your friends here at 7:00 tomorrow morning sharp.

(Sparkling Dew gives Fluttershy her NBC ID card back.)

Fluttershy:Yes sir, Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:But just remember that I've got my eye on you.

Fluttershy:You will not be disappointed, sir.

(Fluttershy rejoins her friends and Freak Lad walks up to Sparkling Dew.)

Freak Lad:That was nice of you to let her keep her job.

Sparkling Dew:There is an ancient saying, Freak Lad. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Despite the fact that no wars were won by anyone and no decent carriages were mass produced during that era, they are right about this. Five years from now, we will all be either working for her or be dead by her hooves.

Freak Lad:Really?

Sparkling Dew:Well, her or Spike.

Freak Lad:Yeah. We'll all end up working for Spike. That'll happen.

(Freak Lad and Taylor are at a bar.)

Freak Lad:Hey, after Ikea tomorrow, you wanna go see Margaret Cho at the Beacon?

Taylor:Oh boy. Um, Jim?

Freak Lad:Yes Steve?

Taylor:I think we need to take a break.

Freak Lad:Is this because I wanted to sign us up for The Amazing Race? Because I was 80% joking about that.

Taylor:No, it's-. You remember when I said that I wasn't into chasing straight mares?

(Freak Lad nods.)

Taylor:Well, I think that's what's happening here. So, unless you're willing to make a huge life change, I need to move on, find my special marefriend.

Freak Lad:All right. It's just, um, you know, whenever I try to picture us together, I think "Yeah. OK. This could be fun. Picking out furniture and making flower beds out of railroad ties." But the thing is, if I'm going to be with someone, it has to be a pony.

Taylor:You sound pretty sure about that.

Freak Lad:What can I say? I love hairy heads and bare backs.

Taylor:You're alone there. I should go. I'll see ya around.

Freak Lad:OK, wait. What if we make a pact. What if in, like , 25 years, neither of us has somepony or mare, we move in together and be roommates. And, even though I am straight, I would let you do stuff to me above the waist.

Taylor:I can't be around you anymore. Bye Freak Lad.

(Taylor leaves.)

Freak Lad:Funny, that's what the pony always says. Now who's gonna take that cooking class with me next weekend?

Random Pony:If by cooking class, you mean your lips, and if by next weekend, you mean tonight, then...

Freak Lad:No. Shut up. And also, I can see your wedding ring. Idiot.

_Foreshadowing was in this chapter(hint, hint). I hope you liked this chapter._


	4. Dew The Writer

_Wow. I started writing this on Christmas Day and finished it less than an hour ago. This one took a little while longer than usual. However, I must say two things before I begin. Item One: I recently published a Star Wars and Sonic crossover that you should talk about. Item Two: In the previous chapters, I called male ponies mares. I now know that they are called stallions. So, in the previous chapters, just plug in stallions instead of mares when you think I'm talking about males. Lastly, this chapter is based on the 30 Rock episode Jack The Writer._

_(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike are in the writers room. Freak Lad is placing scripts in front of everybody.)_

Freak Lad:Alright, we have a lot to go through today, everypony. Anypony have anything on page one?

Twilight Sparkle:I think we need to change that joke about Donald Trump.

(Twilight Sparkle notices that everypony besides her and Freak Lad are staring at Spike.)

Twilight Sparkle:Because Donald Trump was eaten by Lions this morning in a spaceship.

Freak Lad:OK, why are all of you staring at Spike?

Pinkie Pie:Something is different about him, but I can't put my finger on it.

Spike:Oh, you all noticed. I started using a new kind of gel on my scales to give them more of a shine.

Twilight Sparkle:I didn't know you wore gel on your scales.

Spike:That's because I didn't.

Fluttershy:So, why did you start?

Spike:Rarity thought that I might look better with it.

Rarity:And may I just say that it is working, Spikey Poo. It literally has the attention of everypony in the room.

Freak Lad:Twilight, can I talk to you for a second?

(Freak Lad and Twilight Sparkle go into the hall.)

Freak Lad:OK, what is up with Spike? He looks like a freaking disco ball with that gel, but he wears it anyways because Rarity said that it would look good on him.

Twilight Sparkle:Spike has a little crush on Rarity, so he will do anything to get her to like him.

Freak Lad:So, does she know or...?

Twilight Sparkle:Oh no. Only me, him, Pinkie Pie, and now you know. Although, I think she may be close to catching on.

Freak Lad:Alright, we'll I'm gonna have to talk to him. If he keeps on taking her fashion advice, we may have a problem.

Twilight Sparkle:Oh come on. He's never let this actually be a big problem before and it's his first actual crush. First crushes are special. Mine was special. I had a crush on somepony big. I mean, I know I can't be the only one who actually had her first crush be Princess Celestia.

Freak Lad:No, I think you're alone there. Alright, just tell him to ease up on the gel and we'll be OK.

Twilight Sparkle:OK.

(Freak Lad and Twilight Sparkle walk back into the writers room to find everypony staring at Spike again.)

Freak Lad:Oh, good grief. Spike, can you go get us some lattes please.

Spike:I told you that we ran out of coffee in the building.

Freak Lad:Who says that it has to be from the building? Here's my wallet. Go get some coffee from Starbucks.

(Freak Lad hands Spike his wallet.)

Spike:Alrighty then.

(Spike goes to get coffee.)

Freak Lad:OK, can we please get back to work now?

(Freak Lad and Twilight Sparkle sit down.)

Rainbow Dash:We have got to change that Donald Trump joke.

(Rainbow Dash is eating a donut in the hall when Scootaloo walks up to her.)

Scootaloo:Hey Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash:Hey Scoots. What's up?

Scootaloo:Well, I got your car washed just like you asked.

(Scootaloo hands Rainbow Dash her car keys.)

Scootaloo:And I got that "Foal On Board" bumper sticker you wanted to help you get out of trouble when you accidentally drive in the carpool lane.

Rainbow Dash:Nice job Scoots. You done me good.

Scootaloo:Oh, it's my pleasure, Rainbow Dash. Anything you need, just ask.

(Freak Lad walks up to them.)

Freak Lad:Um, excuse me, who is this?

Rainbow Dash:Oh, Freak Lad, this is Scootaloo, my little friend.

Scootaloo:Hi.

Freak Lad:She doesn't have proper clearance. She's not aloud here. You gotta get her outta here.

Rainbow Dash:Oh, it's OK. I cleared everything up with the chief of security. I told him that Scootaloo is only here to help me out.

Freak Lad:Really?

Rainbow Dash:Yeah.

Freak Lad:All right. She can stay as long as she helps out.

(Freak Lad walks away.)

Rainbow Dash:Now, Scoots, there's something that I want you to know. You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. Cause I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between ponies and not while I'm driving.

Scootaloo:Oh, OK then.

Rainbow Dash:So here's some advice I wish I would've gotten when I was your age. Live every week like it's Shark Week.

(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy are in the writers room. They're laughing at something Twilight Sparkle said.)

Applejack:Good call Twilight.

Pinkie Pie:Good ol' Twilight. Happy early birthday, Twilight.

Freak Lad:Alright, we're almost halfway done. So why don't we take a little break? Do you all wanna have a one minute dance party?

Rarity:Sounds good to me.

Twilight Sparkle:Crank it Rainbow.

(Rainbow accesses Freak Lad's computer and plays Harlem Shake. During the buildup, everypony is bobbing their heads back and forth. Then, after the stallion says "Do the Harlem Shake", everypony gets up and starts dancing like a crazy person. Freak Lad and Pinkie Pie dance in the front of the room. Everypony dances until Sparkling Dew comes in. Rainbow Dash notices and turns off the music while everypony sits down, except Freak Lad and Pinkie Pie, who are oblivious to Sparkling Dew.)

Pinkie Pie:Shake it out. Feel the music.

Sparkling Dew:Ahem.

Freak Lad:Oh, Sparkling Dew.

(Freak Lad and Pinkie Pie stop dancing.)

Sparkling Dew:No please, finish your dance.

Freak Lad:We were just taking a little break and we all love music that comes from viral videos.

Sparkling Dew:I see.

(Freak Lad and Pinkie Pie sit down.)

Sparkling Dew:If you don't mind, I think I'll observe from over here.

Freak Lad:You will? Why?

Sparkling Dew:Are you familiar with Six Sigma?

Pinkie Pie:Oh yeah, that's a special kind of G.I. Joe.

Sparkling Dew:I can always tell it's you, Pinkie Pie, by what you say. Anyways, Six Sigma is an elite GE executive training course. In order to just grasp the basic concepts, one must endure a five day conference at a Sheraton. Six Sigma says that a manager must understand every aspect of the business he or she oversees.

Freak Lad:Which means?

Sparkling Dew:I'll be in here every day. Soaking it up. So, please, return to work, and act like I'm not here.

(Sparkling Dew sits down.)

Freak Lad:OK. Let's, uh, get into Fluttershy's commercial parody. We were trying to think of a funnier cereal name. The favorite options so far include Little Flakes Of Sadness, Whities, or Swaztik-o's.

Fluttershy:Fruit Lupus.

Freak Lad:No.

Applejack:Dingleberries.

Pinkie Pie:Fart Nuggets.

(Pinkie Pie and Sparkling Dew laugh.)

Sparkling Dew:I'm sorry. That one was just really good.

Freak Lad:OK. Let's just think for another minute.

Rainbow Dash:Frosted Mini Guns.

Twilight Sparkle:Lucky Shots.

Sparkling Dew:If you don't mind my saying, I think we were all really laughing at Fart Nuggets, so could we just move on please?

Freak Lad:Every day, huh?

(Spike walks into the writers room wearing a blue vest and a kilt with Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Sparkling Dew in there.)

Spike:Anypony want some coffee?

Twilight Sparkle:Yes please.

Freak Lad:Let me guess. Rarity gave you some free fashion advice again?

Spike:Yeah.

Sparkling Dew:If we could get back on topic, I was doing some research on comedy and I came across a funny comic strip called Dilbert. It's pretty good. And I was wondering if we could do that.

Freak Lad:Do what?

Sparkling Dew:Dilbert.

(Spike walks into the writers room wearing a tank top, red tie, top hat, and kilt with a black and white design on it with Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Sparkling Dew in there while Sparkling Dew reads over the notes.)

Spike:Anypony want some coffee?

Twilight Sparkle:Yes please.

Freak Lad:More fashion hints from Rarity?

Spike:Yeah.

Sparkling Dew:No no no, you can't say that. Jeb Bush was a friend of mine.

Pinkie Pie:Who should I change it to?

Sparkling Dew:Sean Penn. No, Barbara Streisand.

(Spike walks into the writers room wearing a paper sack and briefs with Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Sparkling Dew in there.)

Sparkling Dew:He guns it. Mare falls into the water.

Spike:Anypony want some coffee?

Freak Lad:I'm not even going to ask anymore.

Sparkling Dew:We circle back looking for her. Remember, it's pitch black out. The boat hits something hard. And you hear kind of a super weird and mysterious growl. And Brokaw goes, "Just go on. Don't look back." Now, I'm not a writer, but maybe there's a skit in that.

(Freak Lad walks into the writers room when Twilight Sparkle walks in.)

Twilight Sparkle:Hey.

Freak Lad:What's up?

Twilight Sparkle:So, is Sparkling Dew going to be in the writers room again today?

Freak Lad:Umm, probably. Yeah.

Twilight Sparkle:Well, you have got to say something to him. We are not getting any work done.

Freak Lad:Really? You don't think his idea of starting with catchphrases and working backwards is panning out.

(Freak Lad remembers when Sparkling Dew just said catchphrases like "Nuts to you, ", "Who ordered the wieners", and "Honk honk. Ribby ribby.")

Freak Lad:Actually, Pinkie Pie wrote a draft of "Honk honk. Ribby ribby."

(Spike walks in wearing a plaid coat. Twilight just stares at Spike until Freak Lad gets her attention back.)

Twilight Sparkle:Look, you have to say something to Sparkling Dew soon or I think that my friends may revolt.

Freak Lad:What is it that you mares don't understand? He's our boss. Me trying to tell Sparkling Dew what to do would be like you trying to tell-. Which of the Cutie Mark Crusaders is it that you're scared of again?

Twilight Sparkle:Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle. She always has this weird look in her eyes. Oh come on.

(Freak Lad and Twilight Sparkle notice that Spike takes off his coat to reveal a bikini with disco lights coming out of his nipples. He then leaves.)

Freak Lad:That was a coat. I thought you said you were going to talk to him.

Twilight Sparkle:I tried.

Freak Lad:And?

Twilight Sparkle:Turns out his pajamas are even weirder than his day clothes.

Freak Lad:Then I'll have to talk to him. Those outfits are just too distracting.

Twilight Sparkle:No. I'll go talk to him. It'd be better if he heard this from me.

Freak Lad:Fine, but you'd better fix this.

(Scootaloo walks towards Rainbow Dash in the hall.)

Rainbow Dash:Hey, what's up Scoots? What's the frequency? Great. I need you to go grab me some lunch.

Scootaloo:Of course. What can I get for you?

Rainbow Dash:I want nachos.

Scootaloo:You got it.

Rainbow Dash:From Celestia Stadium.

Scootaloo:Of course.

(Scootaloo runs out by Spike when Twilight Sparkle catches up to him.)

Twilight Sparkle:Hey Spike. Listen, I need to talk to you. Can we go to my dressing room?

Spike:Sure.

(Twilight Sparkle and Spike go to Twilight Sparkle's dressing room.)

Twilight Sparkle:Listen, Spike, me and Freak Lad are not comfortable with how you're dressing.

Spike:Oh, is this one of those "I'm afraid my son is gay" things?

Twilight Sparkle:No.

Spike:Look, I'm not pretending that I have a crush on Rarity to "stay in the closet". I'm straight. I just dress like this because Rarity likes it.

Twilight Sparkle:That's what I'm talking about. You don't have to wear these outfits just because you think that wearing them will make Rarity like you.

Spike:I don't. They're comfortable and that's why I wear them.

Twilight Sparkle:You know what? I tried to help you, but fine. Look like a complete idiot for all I care. Wear whatever you want.

Spike:Good.

Twilight Sparkle:You bet it's good.

Spike:Fine!

Twilight Sparkle:Fine!

Spike:So, are you still making Zitti tonight?

Twilight Sparkle:Actually, I was thinking of making Ravioli instead.

Spike:Ooh, I love your Ravioli.

Twilight Sparkle:I know. That's why I changed it.

(Freak Lad walks into his office and finds Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy in there, whispering.)

Freak Lad:Is it my birthday?

Applejack:You've gotta get Sparkling Dew out of the writers room.

Freak Lad:You know, you all as a group don't smell so great, so you know he must be making a huge sacrifice.

Rarity:Come now. He's stifling us.

Pinkie Pie:I feel like I can't be myself around him.

Fluttershy:Yeah. Twilight is on stage right now rehearsing the best thing we've written all week.

(Fluttershy turns on Freak Lad's TV to show Twilight Sparkle doing the robot and making robot noises.)

Freak Lad:Sigh. All right.

(Freak Lad walks out of his office to see Sparkling Dew walking into the writers room with a box while whistling.)

Freak Lad:Ugh. All right. I'll fix it.

Rainbow Dash:Thanks Freak Lad.

(Freak Lad walks into the writers room.)

Freak Lad:Hey Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:Hello. Sorry I'm late. I was at a celebration of Anna Faris' birthday.

Freak Lad:Really? That's cool. Listen, it's been really cool having you in the writers room this past week. 20% cooler to be exact.

Sparkling Dew:Oh, it's been great for me too. Being around all this creativity. To be honest, I thought that it would be a chore at first, honestly, but now-. Oh, I have a good idea for you. Monkey Monarchy. We open up on Princess Celestia's castle.

Freak Lad:You can't be in here anymore.

Sparkling Dew:Excuse me?

Freak Lad:It's not working. You're driving everypony crazy. And you can just go ahead and fire me now and I'll go back to teaching improv to senior citizens.

Sparkling Dew:Why would I want to fire you? This is fine. Six Sigma values honest communication between coworkers so, um, thank you Freak Lad.

Freak Lad:Oh, sure.

Sparkling Dew:I guess I'll just head upstairs now.

Freak Lad:OK. Well, thank you for being so understanding.

Sparkling Dew:No problem.

(Sparkling Dew leaves the writers room.)

(Scootaloo arrives at Celestia Stadium. She notices that all of the booths that sell tickets are closed.)

Scootaloo:Oh no. I will not let you down, Rainbow Dash

(Scootaloo notices a fence that blocks off the outfield, so she tries to climb it. Her hair gets stuck on the fence and she can't move. She notices a rat on the ground.)

Scootaloo:Go get help girl.

(Freak Lad walks up to Sparkling Dew's office and sees that it's empty, so he goes to his secretary, Jonathan,'s desk.)

Freak Lad:Hey, Jonathan. I left a dew messages for Sparkling Dew, but he never called me back. Do you know if something's wrong?

Jonathan:Sparkling Dew's been really busy.

(Jonathan starts to walk into Sparkling Dew's office.)

Freak Lad:OK. It's just that I need him to approve of this budget.

Jonathan:Well, I'm sorry. He's in the Crystal Empire until next week.

Freak Lad:Oh.

(Jonathan walks down the hall and Freak Lad notices that a hoof closed the partially opened door in Sparkling Dew's office.)

(Scootaloo is giving Rainbow Dash a massage for her back hooves while she sits in her dressing room.)

Rainbow Dash:Would you like me to teach you another key to success, Scootaloo?

Scootaloo:Sure.

Rainbow Dash:Dress every day like you're going to get murdered in those clothes. You did real good yesterday, with those nachos, but now I need you to do something of a different nature. Would you agree with me when I say that somepony has freedom when they are aloud to pursue their own desires?

Scootaloo:Yeah, I think I would.

Rainbow Dash:So, if the law were to conflict with that sonepony's desires, them we must operate outside the law. You following me?

Scootaloo:Then we would no longer be free.

Rainbow Dash:I have a mission for you.

(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy are in the writers room when Spike walks in wearing nothing, as usual.)

Spike:Anypony want coffee?

Twilight Sparkle:Yes please.

Rarity:Spikey Poo, I thought that you said you were wearing that jumpsuit today. The one I said would look faboo on you.

Spike:I didn't really like that one. It didn't look good and it felt too tight.

Rarity:That's how you can tell it's authentic.

Spike:I just didn't see any reason as to why I would wear it. Coffee for Twilight.

(Spike walks out.)

Freak Lad(whispering):How did you do that?

Twilight Sparkle(whispering):I know a little magic and a magician never reveals his secrets.

Rarity:Listen, Twilight, can I tell you something? I've known that Spike has a crush on me for quite a while now.

Twilight Sparkle:What?

Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy:Spike has a crush on Rarity?

Rarity:When I first gave Spike that gel for his scales, I didn't realize until after he put it on that it didn't look good on him, but I still tried to put a positive spin on it. When he kept wearing it, I tried to see just how far he would go to try and get me to like him. So, yesterday, I told Spike that he would look good in an outfit that I knew he would never in a million years wear. But, he didn't wear it. So, it's good to know that he has limits.

Twilight Sparkle:So, how do you feel about Spike's crush on you?

Rarity:I'm still not sure. I'm going to wait for him to make the first move and see how I feel about him then.

(Jonathan walks in.)

Jonathan:Freak Lad, can I talk to you for a second?

Freak Lad:Sure.

(Jonathan grabs Freak Lad's left front hoof, drags him into a supply closet, and shuts the door.)

Freak Lad:What's going on?

Jonathan:Sparkling Dew is very upset that you banned him from the writers room. He wants you to apologize.

Freak Lad:Really?

Jonathan:But when you apologize, you have to act like it was your idea. He can't know that I told you.

Freak Lad:But he sent you here to tell me to apologize.

Jonathan:Exactly. I penciled you in for 3 o' clock. This conversation never happened.

(Jonathan opened the door to the closet, looked both ways outside, and left. Twilight Sparkle then walked by the closet.)

Twilight Sparkle:Scootaloo's Mom is here to get her. Where is she?

(Scootaloo is riding on her scooter through a part of Ponyville that looks like Chinatown from New York. She then pulls up in front of a vandelized building and knocks on the door.)

?:Who is it?

Scootaloo:Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash's stalker. I'm here for a pickup from Qiang Deng.

(Somepony opens the door and Scootaloo walks inside.)

Scootaloo:Hello, gentleponies. Oh, thank Celestia. Air conditioning. Ooh, what does that weird tattoo mean? When I get nervous, I ask a lot of questions. Do you have a bathroom I can use? You all have really hairy hooves. Do you all rent this place or do you own it? Hey, that's a weird looking fish. What is that? A grapefruit knife? Do you have a cell phone? What's your plan?

(Freak Lad and Twilight Sparkle are talking in front of the elevator.)

Twilight Sparkle:This apology thing is interesting.

Freak Lad:Ugh. Even when it's for something normal, I hate going up to Sparkling Dew's office. I always feel like I'm entering the Death Star. I expect to see Stormtroopers. I tell you, if Sparkling Dew does this to me-.

(Freak Lad walks into the elevator and runs his front hoof across his neck.)

Freak Lad:I will run.

Twilight Sparkle:You'll be fine Boba Fett.

Freak Lad:No! Boba Fett dies! He dies!

(The elevator closes.)

(Scootaloo is riding on her scooter back to Rockerfeller Center holding a weird fish in a plastic bag.)

Scootaloo(Singing):Been spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise. Been spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise. Keep spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise. Keep spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise. Tell me why these drivers are so blind. They think that I'm not here so they drive like idiots.

(Sparkling Dew is reading the newspaper in his office when Freak Lad knocks on the door and walks in.)

Sparkling Dew:What can I do for you? I'm on a helicopter in 15 minutes.

Freak Lad:Uh, well, sir, I just wanted to say, um, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings the other day when I asked you to stay out of the writers room.

Sparkling Dew:That's absurd. Completely unnecessary. I haven't given it a second thought.

Freak Lad:OK, good, cause, you see, the ponies down on my show, they see you as management-.

Sparkling Dew:Please, it's water under the bridge. Stop worrying and just go on back to work.

(Freak Lad starts leaving when Sparkling Dew starts talking again.)

Sparkling Dew:Of course, I can understand how you might think my feelings are hurt. No one wants to hear that others don't like you.

Freak Lad:What, no? No, that's not at all what I was saying before. I never said that they don't like you.

Sparkling Dew:That's not true. So, they so like me?

Freak Lad:Yes, they like you.

Sparkling Dew:Do you like me?

Freak Lad:Of course? I like you. Sparkling Dew.

Sparkling Dew:You know what I like about you?

Freak Lad:Mmm?

Sparkling Dew:Your eyes. You have those black shark's eyes. You know? Very intense.

Freak Lad:Thank you.

Sparkling Dew:Anyway...

(Sparkling Dew points towards the door and Freak Lad leaves.)

(Rainbow Dash drops the fish Scootaloo picked up for her in a fish tank, laughing.)

Rainbow Dash:You done good, little colt. That thing ever goes missing and gets into the public water system, we don't know each other.

Scootaloo:Got it.

Rainbow Dash:I got one little errand for you to run. A week ago or so, I went out with a lesbian.

Scootaloo:Why?

Rainbow Dash:Because I started having feelings for a certain mare I know and I wanted to see if I could adapt to the lesbian lifestyle.

Scootaloo:You like a mare?! Who is it?

Rainbow Dash:I can't tell you that.

Scootaloo:OK. So, you like the lesbian you went out with now?

Rainbow Dash:No, she was intolerable. I like the lifestyle. Just not her.

Scootaloo:So, are you going to tell the friend you like about your feelings?

Rainbow Dash:We'll see.

Scootaloo:Ah. So, what do you want me to do?

(Freak Lad is on the set of The Six Ponies when Sparkling Dew walks onto the set.)

Sparkling Dew:Morning, Freak Lad.

Freak Lad:Oh, hi Sparkling Dew. How are you?

Sparkling Dew:Fine, thank you. I remember you mentioning how you're a big fan of viral videos with original songs.

Freak Lad:Cause I was dancing with Pinkie? Oh yes, yeah, I love those videos.

Sparkling Dew:Well, it just so happens that Rebecca Black, the one who made the song Friday, is performing this weekend at Webster Hall in city hall, and I got some VIP tickets and backstage passes. You could take the ponies or a special somepony. Whatever. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

Freak Lad:Wow. Thank you. That's very thoughtful.

Sparkling Dew:Well, I think that coworkers should have good personal relationships. I know we've had some missteps, but we've put all that behind us. And I'd like us to be friendly.

Freak Lad:Yeah, absolutely. Yes, so do I. Wow, I just can't believe Rebecca Black tickets are still available.

Sparkling Dew:Ah. Well, see ya.

(Sparkling Dew punches Freak Lad on the shoulder and leaves and Twilight Sparkle walks up to Freak Lad.)

Twilight Sparkle:What was that about?

Freak Lad:Just talking to my "bud", Sparkling Dew.

Twilight Sparkle:Bud, really?

Freak Lad:Well, he sure acts like we are. He gave me Rebecca Black tickets. He even did this to me.

(Freak Lad punches Twilight Sparkle on the shoulder.)

Twilight Sparkle:Wow. Well, having Sparkling Dew as your friend can only make life easier. It's good for everypony if he wants to be friends.

Freak Lad:I know, but it's so weird. It's like that scene where you see the back of Darth Vader's head with his helmet off and you're all like "Oh! He's an actual pony!" I gotta get some new DVDs.

Twilight Sparkle:Why don't you just walk around in a circle for an hour for five bucks. Spike did it one time.

Freak Lad:You need to take him to a psychiatrist.

(Spike is getting a piece of wardrobe from the wardrobe room when Rarity walked up to him.)

Rarity:Hello, Spikey-Poo.

Spike:Oh, hi Rarity. What's up?

Rarity:There's something I need to tell you.

Spike:What!?

Rarity:It's about the outfits I've been telling you to wear.

Spike:Oh. What about them?

Rarity:I've got to be honest about something. Those outfits never looked good on you.

Spike:What do you mean?

Rarity:I only told you those outfits looked good on you to test something. They really made you look terrible.

Spike:What? You made me look like a fool? What were you testing?

Rarity:That's not important. What really is important is that I'm sorry. I really am. Do you forgive me?

Spike:Yeah. But, I have to pick an outfit for you to wear the rest of the day.

Rarity:Alright then. Pick whatever you want. I can pull off anything.

(Spike finds a good outfit for Rarity to wear.)

Spike:This one.

Rarity:Sigh. Alright. I'll need some scissors though.

(Rarity walks to the writers room wearing a short cut trench coat with Spike walking right next to her wearing sunglasses. When they reach the writers room, Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Fluttershy are there.)

Rarity:Hello all.

(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Fluttershy all crack up.)

Twilight Sparkle:What are you wearing?

Freak Lad:You're making me gay.

Rarity:I'm wearing this as a joke. It's a joke.

Rainbow Dash:I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Rarity:It's a joke, jerks!

(Later that night, Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy are in the writers room and Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie are dancing together like weirdos to the song Sexy And I Know It by LMFAO.)

Applejack:Work it Pinkie. Whoooo.

Twilight Sparkle:I think I'm having a heart attack.

(Spike walks in holding three pizza boxes.)

Spike:Fooooooood!

Freak Lad:Right here. Thanks.

Fluttershy:Ooh, pizza.

Twilight Sparkle:Thanks Spike.

(Freak Lad, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike start taking pieces of pizza.)

Rarity:Freak Lad, darling, can we eat this up on the rooftop garden?

Freak Lad:I don't even think that we're aloud up there.

Pinkie Pie:Naw, I see people on the Today Show eating out there all the time.

Freak Lad:Really? Even Ann Curry?

(Sparkling Dew walks into the writers room with two company bigwigs.)

Sparkling Dew:I'll show you the studio in a minute, but first, this is where the writers write.

(Freak Lad waves.)

Sparkling Dew:Don't mind the odor.

(Sparkling Dew leaves the room with the company bigwigs and goes towards the stage.)

Sparkling Dew:But seriously, since these ponies arrived, the network has gotten some more recognition. Females are drawn in by the all mare cast and we're effectively synergizing backward overflow.

Fluttershy:Please, Freak Lad, let us eat outside.

Freak Lad:You know what? I'll ask Sparkling Dew. He'll let us eat out there, right? He and I have an important friendship.

(Freak Lad follows Sparkling Dew.)

Applejack:Spike, y'all forgot the sodas.

Spike:I'm not going out there. Some punk stallion tried to lick my ear at the pizza shop.

Rainbow Dash:Oh, we'll then I'll call Scootaloo. She can punch any stallion in the face and make him go down.

(Rainbow Dash calls Scootaloo, but gets her voicemail.)

Rainbow Dash:She's not answering.

Twilight Sparkle:Seriously, where is she?

(A mare is sitting next to Scootaloo at a bar in a cafe.)

Mare:Where is she?

Scootaloo:She never told you this, but she's a secret agent. She's currently on a secret mission in the Crystal Empire. For your own protection, she can't see you anymore. Just remember that Rainbow Dash sends her love.

(Scootaloo puts the mare's front hooves in her's.)

(Freak Lad catches up to Sparkling Dew and the two bigwigs.)

Freak Lad:Hey, Sparkling Dew. Sorry to interrupt. Hey, can we go and eat our pizza outside? Cause those skanks from the Today Show eat up there all the time and, you know, since I thought me and you were best buds.

(Freak Lad punches Sparkling Dew's shoulder and says "Boink".)

Freak Lad:Maybe you could do me a solid and slip me the key to that thang. This guy's the best. He got me kick-(squeaking noise) Rebecca Black tickets. You all like Rebecca Black? Anyways, Sparkling Dew rocks. This one, A-plus.

Sparkling Dew:Excuse me for a moment.

(Sparkling Dew pulls Freak Lad away.)

Sparkling Dew(whispering):I'm sorry. I don't mean what's happening right now. I don't mean it.

Freak Lad:Don't mean what?

Sparkling Dew:What group home did you escape from that you would dare talk to me like some plumber's wife in front of Ron Gordon and Bob Overmeyer!

Freak Lad:I don't even know who they are.

Sparkling Dew:Oh really? Your ignorance was obvious when you waddled up to me with your thin lipped mouth full of greasy peasant food and addresses me by my Christian name in front of the gentlemen from Canterlot. That's the Canterlot where Princess Celestia lives, Freak Lad. GE Headquarters. But how would you know that with your nigh-40 years of public educational and daytime television viewing? If you ever pull a bull(squeaking noise) stunt like that again, I'm gonna have you writing commercials for D-Pon 3 so fast, it'll make your unexplainably small head spin.

(Pinkie Pie reveals that her, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity were listening in on the conversation.)

Pinkie Pie:Oh snap.

Sparkling Dew:Snap!

(Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity run back into the writers room. Freak Lad heads back to the writers room as well with Sparkling Des following.)

Sparkling Dew(whispering):I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Freak Lad:I thought you said we were friends!

Sparkling Dew:I said we were friendly.

Freak Lad:Well, I don't like you anymore.

Sparkling Dew:I don't believe you.

(Freak Lad wanders back into the writers room, leaving Sparkling Dew alone outside.)

Sparkling Dew:Lay off on the pizza!

_I hope you enjoyed. Please follow, favorite, and review._


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